Mutsumi Style: Living with Cancer vol.6

自分ががん患者になってみて、初めて分かったことがたくさんあります。ひとつは人の目。帽子をかぶっていても、襟足やもみあげにも髪の毛がないので、どう見ても「あ、この人、病気。」という目で見られます。やっぱりビックリされる感じです。正直、とても嫌です。でも、私もそういう反応をしていたかもしれない、と思って反省しています。娘といっしょに外出するときは、ウィッグ命令が出ているのでウィッグをつけますけど、やっぱりカツラなんですよね。それに、とっても疲れてしまうというか、帽子の方が楽というか、がん患者の人たちがスカーフを頭にくるくるしていたりする謎が解けました。それにね、髪の毛が全くないってすごく寒いんです。なので、お家にいるときや入院しているときは、もっぱらニットハット。お花をつけてパッと明るく暮らします。

One thing, I still don't feel comfortable about is how people look at me, as if I am different. Maybe people have always looked at me this way, but now that I have cancer I get a strange feeling when they glance at me. Although I wear a hat, there is still no trace of hair at all, so some people react to it. Maybe they are looking at me the same way they were before I had cancer, but I don't know. I know I should wear a wig, and I do whenever I go out with my daughter, who is sensitive about how people look at me, especially other children that are curious. However, the wig makes me exhausted. I purchased a few cute hats for going out, but I don't feel like wearing them at home, or while staying in the hospital. Now I understand there aren't many choices for cancer patients. Beanies are comfortable, but there are not very many cute ones. So, I dress them up. For just an ordinary beanie, I put on smokey pink flowers.

お出かけ用のハットがとてもかわいい形だったので、黒い方は、まねっこして編んで見ました。

I bought the cute hat (on the left). I tried to knit a copy of the shape, and it looks pretty close. I added a few hot pink flowers to brighten it. Since knit hats needs to be washed once in a while, I attached the flowers with pins, so I can take them off to launder the hat.

実は、最初、何も見ないで適当に編んでいたら、アラジンのお城みたいになってしまいました。ここまで気づかずに編み上げてしまって、みんなで大爆笑。激しく左右非対称ですし...

My first attempt was this. It looks like Aladdin's castle! It's ridiculous that I didn't even realize how asymmetrical it was until I finished it.